Behind a stack of books on the shelf, hidden from plain view, I found an old book I once read. I wiggled it free, dusted it off and began re-reading my favorite parts. It was the kind of book I’d scribbled in the margins, leaving clues as to my whereabouts in life. Dated: September, 2008.
As I perused the notes, my mind took a sharp detour down Painful Past road. Thankfully the road doesn’t jar me like it once did. All the mines have been detonated. The worry, fear and angst that were once associated with a trip down memory lane are now held in monument regard. It’s like, ‘hey, wow, there was a great and ferocious battle here. Loss of life, bloody. But oh, sweet victory, the battle was won.’ I look around. The ground is holy. I remember and I’ll never forget. Today I see flowers blooming out of the ruins and I smile in awe and great thanks.
This great and terrible time I’m referring to is when God, by His hand, finally took the last drink from my cup. It’s a story of deliverance from the grip of generational alcoholism. It’s a story of flesh eating sin sickness. Death. And life born, anew.
Something I still celebrate today.
A miracle, yes! And yet, I sit and recall the cycle of events post miracle. A time of transformation. Here’s the thing: transformational things in life, those ordained by God, take time to work themselves out. The aftermath of any battle leaves gapping wounds in our heart, mind and spirit for a season or three. It’s here, in THE INBEWTEEN, that the TRUTH of who we are and our real identity is most vulnerable to lies.
It’s here, we must understand:
- The truth about God’s character. (Psalm 18:31-32)
- The truth about the Voice of the Holy Spirit. (1 Corinthians 3:16)
- The truth about our identity in Jesus. (Romans 8:17)
In the months leading up to the epic battle to save me from myself God was hugely at work in my life. For the first time in 30 years I’d been given a very clear calling on my life. Specifically, God said, “Rachel, you are my Ambassador.” And I knew in my heart that He was calling me to be His Ambassador through public speaking.
But after the battle, when my wounds were exposed, and I grappled with the question ‘who am I really?’, another voice began to rise up. Except this voice was in opposition to the One I’d first heard. I was confused. The strange, new voice made me believe that my work was to be done silently. And in that season every time I had thoughts about standing before others to encourage them in the faith, the voice whispered in my ear, “This is NOT who you really are!”
For eight years I helped to organize an annual Christian music festival called Livestock supporting World Vision’s gift catalog. One time, in the midst of this season of transformation (and confusion) one of the musicians asked me if I would join him on stage to share a story about the good work were doing. Without hesitation I laughed and spouted, “Naw, I’m not your girl for that sorta thing!” The words tasted like sour milk.
I believed the lie.
But only for so long, because I believe Truth always wins. The Truth buried deep within me, began to emerge over time. As I pressed into the Word of God I found confirmation to the call on my life in 2 Corinthians 5:20 (“We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors…”). Turning my heart towards Him, He cleaned up the old ruins, replacing lies with Rock solid Truth. So that, eventually, I could discern His voice from the one who was trying to steel me away from my purpose.
Today I’ve stepped fully into that call. Without hesitation I can declare that by God’s grace I will speak (publicly) to the witness of his work in my life, through the power of the work done on my behalf on the cross.
I want to encourage you today to remember who you are in Christ. Are you in the season of IN BETWEEN? Can you remember the things He once called you to? Does His Word confirm it? May this image be a helpful guide to you as you discern the One True Voice.
Blessings and peace as you step into all He has ordained for your life.